Reflexions

on Love and Marriage

For Rudy-si quaeris, circumspice.

by Didgeon

No one who has spent much time in or with the gay world can fail to have been struck by an obvious contradiction in the attitudes of many of the world's inhabitants.

On the one hand, we hear and observe everywhere the homosexual's preoccupation with his loneliness. Most homosexuals who have given any thought to their future are worried more by the prospect of old-age solitude than by any other problems. Homosexual fiction is full of references to it: serious studies of homosexual life cannot avoid considering it; and the "what's-to-become-of-me?" theme is frequent in conversation. among us. Some try to answer the question by marrying, with results ranging from success to nervous breakdowns and worse. More, however, seek to close their eyes to the problem and to lead a life of completely artificial gaity "while it lasts" -with bitterness, alcohol, and/or suicide as frequent ends.

The frustration which so many of us so often feel is an outgrowth-or an early anticipation of this solitude complex. Whether it derive from the failure to achieve a desired sexual object, or whether it be on the contrary that variant of post coitum triste

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which has been well named the "What-am-I-doing-here?" syndrome, the sense of solitude is at the same time cause and effect. And the success of gay bars derives largely from the fact that they offer us a place where we can find ourselves in at least the temporary company of our peers: for a few hours, perhaps, we are not

alone.

And yet the same homosexual who will repeat that he hates to be alone will say in his next breath, "I don't want to get involved. I don't want to hurt anybody, and I don't want to get hurt myself." He has been in love, probably, and it hasn't worked out: he's been hurt. Now his guard is up. Nothing serious. Just good friends. Let's not get sentimental. Let's keep things just the way they are The clichés are numberless.

Now, I do not intend to go into a romantic defense of true love as the most wonderful thing that can happen to a man, making the sky bluer, the grass greener, and the rest. While the romantics have a case, a case can also be made for the proposition that love hurts worse than ulcers. (To do them justice, this too is a favorite theme of the romantics.)

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